That Insect
Jack: “What has 38 feet, purple eyes, and a green body with pink and yellow stripes around it? Mac: “I give up what?” Jack: “Well, I don’t know either. But there is one crawling up your neck right now.”
No Daddy
Magician (to boy he called up on stage): “Now, my lad, you’ve never seen me before, have you?” Boy: “No, daddy.”
The Tall Trees
The villager boasts to the tourist” “There are trees so tall around here that it takes two men to look to the top of them. One looks till he gets tired, then another commences where he left off.”
Heave Or Hell
All day long the weary elevator operator had been patiently answering questions the shoppers in the department store had put to him. Just before closing, a voice from the rear of the crowded car piped up: “Suppose the elevator cables broke, would we go up or down?” The operator’s patience gave way. “That my dear lady,” he answered, depends entirely upon the kind of life you’ve been leading.”
Ignorant Officer
The traffic officer examined the lady’s driver’s license. “It says here that you’re supposed to wear glasses,” he said. “That’s right officer,” she replied. “But I have contacts.” “I don’t care who you know, you’re still supposed to wear glasses,” snapped the officer as he handed her a ticket.
Mary Had...
Mary had a litte car... A midget, just her fit. And everywhere that Mary went She fairly stepped on it. She stepped a bit too hard one day And gate crashed into jail. Now everwhere that mary goes, she has to go by rail.
A Saving Silence
“I can’t get over how well you and your wife get along. Don’t you ever have any differences of opinion? “Oh yes, very often.” “And yet you get over them so quickly?” “Well, that’s the secret. I never tell her about them.”
Good Old Hen
The treasurer of the Ladies’ Aid Society went into her small town bank to deposit the latest addition to the organisation’s funds. She said to the teller, who was just a little deaf, that it was “Aid money.” Thinking she had said “egg money,” and considering the amout the teller thought a compliment was in order. “Isn’t it remarkable,” he asked “how well the old hens are doing these days.”
Beware of...
My latest discovery about insects is this: The mosquito that buzzes is the male mosquito and the male mosquito does not bite people. The buzz is his mating call. The one that bites is the female, but the female doesn’t have any sound. So this summer if you’re lying in bed and you hear a buzz, just roll over and go back to sleep. But if you hear nothing...”